Adene Devon

Name: Adene Devon

Rank: Regular Character

Age: 50 (looks like he's 19)

Appearance: Standing at 6'0" and weighing 120 pounds. Has long black hair that is always draping over his eyes hiding them from view. Has black eyes with flecks of red in them. Has some smooth facial features. Has a relatively small figure aside from his height. Has a normal amount of muscle but is deceptively strong

Gender: Male

Personality: Devon is intelligent but not too intelligent. Devon is a bit cocky but not a jerk about it. Devon is a bit shy. He is not one to sugar coat things. Devon is very impatient and hyper but can calm down to think logically. Devon is a general slacker and is mostly lazy. Devon will normally be nice but has a fiery temper and will not pass up a chance to argue with someone about anything. Enjoys outsmarting people. Some people would call him emo. Devon hates to be kept down.


Division: Put me wherever I really don`t care

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Hair Color: Black

Likes: Funny people, winning fights

Dislikes: Cocky people, losing fights, bullies

Crushes:


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Specialties:

History: Devon saw dead people, he always has seen dead people. He also hated life for ever. He saw the first spirit when he was three, his mother was dead from childbirth she appeared to him beside his bed. Devon being a kid did not recognize the woman that had given birth to him. As he grew older he started to recognize who the spirit was. As a child Devon was bullied by the bigger kids. He was picked on so much that eventually he had nobody except for his spirit mother and his drunk father. Devon started to resort to cutting his wrists and started to think suicidal thoughts. When he was 13 he decided to take matters into his own hands, he grabbed his fathers hunting shotgun and decided to go take out the people that had made his life hell the next day, but his mother`s spirit had a different plan. She had became so emotionally attached to Devon that she would do anything to stop him form doing this. That night she became a hollow and attempted to kill her son that she had protected for his whole life. Then suddenly a men dressed in black came through his wall and started to fight his mother`s hollow form. Devon hid from them until the noise had died down he poked his head out and saw that the man had won the battle but was injured. Devon watched him for a bit then walked to him and asked him "what was that?", the man looked at him confused responded "You can see me?" Devon was befuddled "of course I can see you why wouldn`t I be able to?" the man looked at him and responded "I am a soul reaper or a shinigami" Devon looked at him confused and asked him "are you OK?" the man smiled and said "I have been better" Devon told him "you can stay here till you get better" the man smiled and thanked him and crawled into the bed that was in his room. The next day Devon at school was attacked by the bullies, this time they were very serious and decided that Devon didn`t deserve to live so they took him to the top of his school and kicked him off the edge. Devon hit the ground with a SPLAT and died instantly. Devon shortly woke up to see his body laying on the ground beside him. Then the man in black appeared and said to him "I knew that your time was near, you have great power and it will be put to good use where you will be going" he told him as the man performed a ritual and he saw black. When he woke up he was in another world. He eventually found out about a school for people who were special.

Make a history please.

I will hopefully have it up tonight

history is up

Kind sir, I recommend when you post, you try to space out things a more as well as use the bold dialogue format whenver possible to differentiate narrative from speech.

Name: Fair enough

Rank: Should be shinigami, really, not 'regular character'. But, it's not too much of an issue.

Age is slightly questionable, as it'd take more than 40 something years for a soul to change into a shinigami ... but then again, I suppose it's fine since you're aiming to be a normal one.

Your appearance is kind of short, but it does cover the necesities of detail required to envision your character.

Your personality seems to be a hodge-podge of random emotions of different situations strung together. A slight edit would be appreciated, but is not demanded ... as it's choppy and really doesn't seem to connect the dots there.

History is a wee bit ... confusing. Your emotionally attached mother turned into a Hollow of her of volition so as to prevent you from killing people? O.o;; Hollows don't think that far into hte future, and pluses do not simply turn into Hollows of their own volition. They turn into a Hollow when the Chain of Fate entirely crumbles, leaving the gaping hole in their body. Now, if your 'mother' was emotionally distraught at the idea of you(the character) becoming a murdered, and in her sorrow she turned into a Hollow ... that'd be a bit more reasonable.

As for the bullies killing you, why? Why did they decide that you no longer deserved to live? Is it due to some grudge? Something you did? Something related to your family?

All in all, this sheet really is on the edge of approval and disapproval in mein humble opinion. But the one thing that denies you an approval from me is the lack of a specified Division.

The Gotei 13 is a fighting force with 13 groups, each of which specialize in a certain aspect of combat or leadership(1st: Command, 2nd: Espionage and Punishment, 4th: Healing, 11th: Offensive Tactics, et cetera).

A character is better defined in his skills based upon which Division the role-player opts for, saying that you don't care about which division you go into is rather ... frustrating on our part because then we have to take YOUR original character and place him where WE think he goes best in, which may NOT be what you had orignally intended(or in this case, not intended).

I apologize, but this sheet is not able to be approved, yet.

Please make necessary edits so that it may be approved. I apologize if you are insulted by any of the criticism laid out in the lines above, but that is my input about this sheet.