Kayo hetage

More on personality and appearance.

Age is questionable as it's supposed to take at least decades (or even a couple of years) for a shinigami to finish his or her training from the academy ... but, blargh ... too many people these days wanting to have young shinigami(Unless, that your visual age, in which case that's perfectly acceptable)

Your Appearance, Personality, and Sample could all be expanded upon ... but seeing as how you're only applying for a regular character, this sheet can be APPROVED so long as you please remember to use proper punctuation and capitalization when posting.

Beyond that, fine unless someone god-smacks me >.>;;

i will and if i do get a higher up job i will be sure to add more when i can

lol, i see now why your app is wrong.

Ages are 100 and up for all shinigami.

This isnt even approved until you fix that.

Opperpopper i thought you were going to be in division 11 as my first open seat

NOT SPAM THIS IS A RL AGREEMENT IN QUESTION

I'm giving a disapproval on this, until I can review it later on today, and give an accurate list of all the problems, of which there are many. Because, as it is now, there is no way I would let this be approved. It's too underdone, too terribly written.

After thoroughly reviewing this application, I have come to a conclusion, which I will now go into detail on. First of all, you have many grammatical errors all throughout this entire application, more than I can just over-look. Misspelled words, missing capitalizations, etc. That is not to mention the coding-fail, that makes this so awful on the eyes. Your character's age is far too low in number.

On a side-note, I am disappointed in Ajaket for approving this. I will underline a few problems that I found within this application, good sir.

Quote :

Name: Kayo hetage

Appearance: normal squad clothing but where there would be white its a red and white hair going past his eyes, his eyes are blue. He is 6 foot, when his hair is flat it goes past his eyes but normoly it curls and fluffs itself.

What's normal? Isn't that for you to describe to us, to show us what you mean. When writing, you have to describe what you referring to, otherwise it can lead to confusion. There are missing capitals, a misspelled word, several sentences that are out of flow. I see parts where you should have used a period instead of a comma, and others where you should have ended the sentence entirely. I don't know. It just isn't written very well, at all.

Quote :

Gender: male

Missing capital letter.

Quote :

Personality: ok with alot of things but not about his past he will kill people if they bring up the wrong thing. When he is in a good mood he likes to be around people and enjoy being around them. when he is in a bad mood he will just find a place and watch the clouds. he injoys the sky and everything that flys

Here, we have more grammatical errors, including a misspelled word. A lot is two words, not one. Where you put he, it just sort of dropped there, and there should have been a period before. That should have been an entirely new sentence, with a capital letter, to boot. It doesn't flow together at all. Next, you put 'enjoy', where it should have been 'enjoys'. After that, there is a period, but the next letter is not capitalized. The same thing happens a sentence later, with a misspelling of the word 'enjoys', as well. Then, you have the word 'flys', in a sentence, when it is, in reality, 'flies'.

Quote :

Hair Color: white

Likes: squad 10

Dislikes: hallowsand anything to deal with them

Crushes: non

--------------------

Specialties: burning things down and setting fires

Missing capitals, missing periods, a misspelling, oh, two misspellings, actually. And I think that you mean 'do', not 'deal'. So, three misspellings total.

Quote :

History:When Kayo was in the human world still living he was a student at a marshal arts school on my free time.

I see a sentence, here, that does not flow well. You should have made use of commas to make it fit together better. Also, it goes from third person to first person, and the part, "on my free time," makes little sense. In addition, there is a misspelling in there.

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He went to school and that fun stuff, but one day Kayo got into a car accident with one other person. He lived but me not so much.

You tell hardly anything of his past, not even the bare minimum, which is the whole point of a histroy. You make it seem like he was born a student, who then died, and that's it. Not much depth of character there. And that last sentence makes no sense to me.

Quote :

He was a gost for two mounths then for some reason he was getting attacked by hollows. Kayo ran away from them but they just would find me again and again. then a shikigami cam out of nowhere and kill most of them.

Again, you should have made use of commas to make this flow smoother. You have several misspellings, and a generic story in this part, not to mention a lack of detail. Also, you went from third person writing to first person, again.

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There was one left but it just vanished. the shikigami walk over to me with a smill and hit me with the handle of his sword. He fell unconscious. When he woke up he was in this strange place. Kayo decided to look around he saw many thing but nonof it made sence. he went over to a tree to rest my head. he relaxed up against the tree and heard a voice. Kayo didnt know it but yet it sounded strangly fermiller.

Honestly, this constant switching from third person to first person is very confusing. Now, we are going from your character to some random Shinigami, and I can't tell who is doing what here. More misspellings, missing capitals, and grammatical errors. By now, this is so far over the disapproved mark that it's saddening to me. I think this might be beyond all hope. But, there's more...

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when he looked up and saw the same shikigami that saved me he sprange to my feet so fast that he almost fell over again. He got out of the tree and told him that he was lucky that he found me. Kayo blow it off. he told Kayo to lissen to him. he started to tell Kayo where he was and what where the things that attacked me. he ask how did Kayo get to hnow were he was. Kayo told me the story, Kayo then asked him if he could be like him. he seid that Kayo would have to train hard and go to school.

Kayo was bumbed out about that but he did it anyway. so he was going to this school but who would have guessed it was no ragular school. people had swords and in diffrent color clothing. Kayo just went with it. then they were teaching me about kedow. he had no clue what so ever. all of a sunden SHIZAM a bolt of lighting shoots from my teachers hand at a target destroying it completely. after that it was his turn well Kayo wasnt so good at that it fizzled alot and he started to get used to it but not realy good. then they let us go to the human world in squads. all he seid was ok what are ]we doing in the human world. they just smilled and told us to go through the gate. we did and then we where fighting hollows but they were bots. Kayo destroyed what he needed to and went back unknowing that it was the last test.he got back and his teachers were there. they congratulated him and told him that he is now a true shikigami now. Kayo was happy but just for the moment he didnt know what he was in for as a shikigami.
a year past and he found out his brother was a shikigami and he was in squad 10, but sadly Kayo also found out that he had died at the hands of a powerful espada with his trusty comanding officer with him. Kayo wept for the day he can have his revange to the espada once Kayo was stronger.

More of the same problems. Besides all the bad grammar and spelling, word placement and sentence style, you have gone back and forth from so many different points of view that this is very confusing to read. And, you did not even put the bare minimum for any of the area. In my eyes, I don't see anyway this can be fixed, or any hope for it. That's just my opinion as a staffer. However, you are more than welcome to try and fix it. As of now, this is disapproved, until fixed to the point that it meets the bare minimum of our standards.

1. Actually your questioning of deal verses do is incorrect. He uses deal in a correct from, though do is shorter. So sorry to inform you of your mistake.
2. Even in the movie, Memories of a Nobody or something to that effect, Mr. Hat and clogs, sorry i can't remember how to spell his name, informs Ichigo that a shinigami doesn't remember any part of there past.

In spite of what you say, even if the character does not know their past, the player of the character does, in fact, know their character in and out, including anything that might have happened to them. The histroy is their past up until the present point in RP, everything of it, even if the character themselves have no clue about it. I've seen everything there is to Bleach, and am fairly knowledgeable on most subjects concerning it. In addition, you are incorrect about that. Urahara said that it was uncommon for them to remember their past, not that it was impossible. Despite that, even without a human life, even if he had been born in the SS, he didn't put the bare minimum even. I would have noticed that was in the correct form if the sentence was put-together in a decent, readable form. I didn't know for sure due to that. Also, I believe that I said, "I think' you meant do." My verdict stands regardless.